A letter to my first grader

August 14, 2013 / dancingonmyashes / 4 Comments

by Heather Spring

Dear Sweet Boy,

You’ve probably noticed I’ve been a bit weepy this week, as we’ve gotten you ready for school. You are so big!

How did we get here so fast? I mean, wasn’t it just yesterday that I was staring at your 6-pound self as you slept in the bassinet a few inches to my left? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was changing your diapers and begging you to say Momma? I know you don’t have those images etched in your memory the way I do, but these were life-changing moments for me that will always make my heart swell when I pause to take them in. So, yes, I’m teary today as my heart plays catch up with your independence. Time does fly when you’re having fun, and as quickly as we’ve gotten here, I’m reminded by just about every parent with older children, that in a blink of an eye, I’ll be writing you a letter as you leave for college. {Okay, cannot go there!} Your daddy and I have worked so hard to teach you how to do things by yourself, and now everything in me wishes we hadn’t. But that’s just a little piece of me. The other piece of me loves watching you do, be, and create. Which brings me to the second reason I’m teary…

I’m sooo stinkin’ proud of you! You are a little person—so grown-up at times. You are becoming generous, helpful, courageous, considerate, and a leader. God has made you super-duper unique and I’m speechless at times as I witness His design through you. There’s nothing like hearing your questions and seeing your brain at work. I pray that your sweet spirit will not be squelched by this world.

I am your mom. I take my role seriously. And it’s hard for me to be away from you for so many hours in a day! So here’s some thoughts to take with you… it’s my way of “going” with you:

1. Tell the truth, even if you think you’re going to get in trouble. I promise it’s worse to lie, or try to cover it up. That feeling in the pit of your stomach when you don’t tell the truth is worse punishment than just coming clean. There will be times you disappoint people in your life, but just remember our love for you remains, and there is an unending well of grace that you can draw from.

2. Listen to your teachers. Show the adults in your life respect. You are going to see some of your friends be unkind to teachers, or not listen to the rules, but don’t follow their example. Teachers are there to encourage and guide you as you grow up. We, your leaders, don’t always get everything right all the time, but even so, show us grace as we grow. You’ll do this momma’s heart good to hear you show the adults in your life proper respect—“Yes.” “Please.” “Thank you.” “I will.” “What can I do to help you?”

{Now if someone you don’t know tries to hurt you or you feel like you’re in danger, remember: NO, GO, YELL, TELL! You can also kick them in that place I told you about.}

3. Eat your lunch. There are starving children in Africa. There really are. Eat your food.

4. See God in others. If you look—really look; you’ll see it—beauty. God has made everyone so special! He’s put his fingerprints on us. It’s one of my favorite things to do, to look for the special qualities in others.

5. Be a friend. I know you’ll want friends, but to make friends you need to be a friend. When you’re bummed that you don’t have anyone to play with at recess, be on the lookout for someone else that might be “all lonely” (as you like to say). To have friends, you must first BE A FRIEND.

6. You don’t have to be first. It’s okay to let others go before you—it can be a lot of fun actually. You’ll be the line leader at times, soak it up and live it up, but there’s other ways of being a leader and sometimes that’s by letting another go before you.

7. This learning stuff takes work. Don’t lose heart if for some reason you’re not getting everything as fast as your neighbor. Just keep after it! We can waste time and energy comparing ourselves to someone else, so instead, strive to keep your head in the game—you’ll get there! I know how easily you get distracted, you might get that from me, but just remember how long it took you to figure out how to put the straw in your Capri Sun? Seriously! That took some practice, right buddy? But now you’re a poking machine!

8. Have fun. Laugh. Be a six-year-old. Talk about poop and legos until your heart’s content. I love your little brain that is obsessed with turtles, Lego-Batman, and revving up your imaginary motorcycle (which is actually in the shop getting fixed, you mentioned). Honestly, I probably don’t have to tell you to have fun, because you can’t help it, you are the PARTAY! So, maybe this one’s for me. I don’t say it enough! I usually hear myself saying, “hurry up” not “have fun!”

9. It’s not a bad thing to be different. I know we’ve talked about how not everyone loves Jesus. I know you still can’t fathom that being the case, but it’s true. Not everyone’s going to believe what you believe and that might make you feel “different” at times. But I promise, this is normal, this is natural, and it’s a reality that you will feel for the rest of your life. But once you really get this, a confidence will trump any other negative feelings you may be receiving from others. He’s worth it, sweet boy! He’s worth it!

10. Kids can be mean, but you don’t have to be. Bullies are out there, unfortunately. And when you come home torn up over what someone said to you—that was intentionally meant to hurt you—it will take everything in me not to go to lunch with you the next day to give them the mom-stare over some s’mac and cheese. But I won’t. But just know, that kids that want to hurt your feelings, probably are themselves…hurting. So let’s pray together for them.

11. Girls can be your friends. Ignore anyone that bugs or teases you about having a “girlfriend.” We’ll talk about girls in MUCH greater detail later, but for now, just remember you’ll want to be nice to girls now because I promise you’ll want to get to know them more later. Dad already had the sex talk with you when you were a day old, so he thinks you’re good to go, but I think we’ll probably have to revisit it later. You finally have come to terms that I am off-the-market and we won’t be getting married, even so, I am more than okay with being the “girl” in your life.

12. You are loved. This really is the most important thing. That’s why I say it so often. Because when people know that they’re loved, it changes how they live. When you, Noah, really grasp how much you are loved—not only by your momma and daddy—but by the God who knit you together in my womb, then everything else will come naturally. The loving, the listening, the working… all of it, will be an outflow of the inflow. Believing you are loved is empowering. It’s humbling (I know you don’t know what that word means, yet, but it’s a good word). Being loved frees you from feeling like you have to be “good” enough for my love. Your understanding of all of this will grow—but for now, as you walk away from the car and disappear inside your elementary school, hear my words: I LOVE YOU!

13. You are my arrow. There will be a day that I release you, but (thankfully) the time has not come. But even today, you, my arrow, are being made. And over time, by delicate art and focus, your daddy and I, striving to follow God’s leading, are crafting and shaping you into an arrow with grand purpose. Our God will direct us every step of the way. And I have a feeling before I know it, I’ll be placing my arrow into the bow, drawing you back to release and watch you fly.

But even tomorrow, as you’re walking through the double doors I see a foreshadowing of things to come. Go, my little arrow. You are not alone. Our God is with you and your momma is praying for you like crazy.

Love,
Mom

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. -Psalm 127: 3-5

Father’s Day thoughts while jogging through a cemetery

June 12, 2013 / dancingonmyashes / Leave a comment

by Heather Spring

Just another day, jogging through a graveyard. Have you done it? I would highly recommend it. Bucket list, people!

Dallas and I don’t always run together. If you’ve seen my husband you could probably gather why: he’s TALL. For his one stride, I gotta do two.

Well, Daddy Loooong Legs and I decided to take a trot together while spending some time in his hometown. There’s nothing like learning a little more about the one you love.

“Up this way my grandpa used to bring us to this creek to hunt crawdads.”

“Really?” huff… puff… “That’s sweet.”

“That house right there,” pointing to his left, “I was babysat there.

I responded with a simple smile. (He understood… we were running uphill.)

“I mowed that lawn. And that one…” “And there used to be an old rickety bridge over there…” “There was this time my friends and I made a scavenger hunt and hid a clue over in that barn…”

On and on, I learned a little more about my husband. I enjoyed the glimpses of the little boy who once was. A graveyard hung to our right. “When we circle around we could go through the graveyard,” He said.

“You want to run through,” putt, putt, “…the cemetery? That seems…” pant, “…a bit strange,” huff, “…to run by dead people? Kinda feels like we’re bragging.”

“I think it’s fine,” he says with complete ease, “I’ll show you where my grandparents’ are buried.”

That changed everything. “I’d like that. Tell me more about them.” I finally said without any strain because… AHHHH… we were headed downhill!

“My grandpa was the quiet type. My grandma was a lot like your grandma…” He continued sharing details about each one. I enjoyed picturing them in their prime.

We made our way through the cemetery. Rows and rows of tombstones–each representing a life. A life that at one time could have been doing exactly what we were doing that afternoon. Feeling the warmth of the sun’s heat, oxygen racing in and out of our lungs, with the wind pressing lightly on our backs and the ground pounding underfoot with every step.

We weren’t far removed from Memorial Day so flowers were prevalent and gravestones looked a little less dusty. (Of course, I figured out how to run AND take a picture. Maybe I’ll blame that on my speed.) I saw the name before Dallas had a chance to point it out: GILION.

We paused and stood there for a few moments as we talked about this couple. I unfortunately did not have the pleasure of meeting them on this earth. But I’m thankful for and feel connected to them, just the same. I look forward to the day I can say, “Thank you.” You see, I know and love their son, Earnie. He’s my Daddy Long Legs’ Daddy. Earnie is such a good one at that. A good husband. A good friend. A good father-in-law. A good Papa. So, let me rephrase… He’s a GREAT man. I’m constantly thankful for the heritage that Dallas and I experienced as children. Our parents weren’t and aren’t perfect, but they love(d) their God! And this heritage of faith has shaped each of us as we now, in commitment, have come together, striving to pour into our boys the truth of the gospel and how it brings freedom, hope, and a chance to experience real love.

You know, sometimes we are born into great families and sometimes we’re not. It is what it is. There’s nothing one does or doesn’t do to deserve this. The sovereignty of God is such a mystery. But even though I was welcomed into such a great heritage, (a foundation with Christ-our Rock underfoot), I still had to accept HIS invitation and take ownership of His inheritance and continue to build on this Rock. Would I squander this gift or continue to build? I had examples all before me, but I still had a choice to pick up the hammer. And yet, there are so many others, that would say they were born into a family who’s dysfunction and cycles look more like a house that is on the brink of collapse. And to you I say… the building can BEGIN with you! He gives grace upon grace to enable you to begin building. With God, you will raise new walls that break old cycles of pain and selfishness. This can only be accomplished through the power of God, but with Him all things are possible. ALL THINGS! My dad was a first generation builder! May your voice begin the echo which will be heard for generations and generations.

…showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Exodus 20:6)

So, I guess as we approach Father’s Day, I share all this with you for a couple of reasons. First of all, maybe some of you need a little perspective. Maybe you need to take a stroll through a graveyard. What house are you building? What stands as your foundation? Maybe strolling through a cemetery will resurrect something in you.

I also write this for those that have had to say good-bye to their earthly daddies. We’re in the same club, you and I. Here’s a little hand-squeeze from me to you. {squeeze} I feel your pain, because that ache rises up within me as I think about my daddy. But in all of my remembrances of his life, what motivates me the most is what I believe he would say to me now. “Go! Build! Love your God, Heather! Love Him with all your heart, and soul, and mind!” In honor of my father and the fathers in my life that love God well, I build, praying for this generation to the next to heed the call to follow hard after a God that is our Ultimate Daddy… a Father to the fatherless.

And who knows, maybe some day my grandson’s wife will stand at my grave asking, “Tell me about Dallas and Heather. What were they like?” I want the response to be, “Heather might’ve been a little loopy, but she and Dallas strived to love their God with all their heart, mind, and soul. You could really see Him in both of them.”

Happy Father’s Day! Celebrate the Daddy’s in your life and your ULTIMATE DADDY!

… choose this day whom YOU will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD!” (Joshua 24:15)

I wrote a special post a couple of years ago about ALL the dads in my life. If you want to read my tribute go here!

Fear? Goodness, no! {part 2: LOVE}

May 13, 2013 / dancingonmyashes / 2 Comments

by Heather Spring

If you missed {part 1: POWER}, obviously it’s not too late to catch up. Close your eyes and tap your shoes together three times and say, “There’s no place like part 1. There’s no place like part 1.” That should get you there… or press here.

You all remember the song that I taught you that my dad taught me?

Let’s sing together:

“For God has not given us the spirit of FEAR (scary face here!), but of

POWER, AND LOVE, AND A SOUND SOUND MIND!”

2 Timothy 1:7

I’m going to attempt to tackle the second gift He’s given… LOVE!

You’ve heard that there are three different love types: Eros love (known as the physical, sensual love between a husband and wife—bow chicka bow wow, as I like to call it), Phileo love (based on friendship between two people), and Agape love (unconditional, sacrificial love).

In 2 Timothy 1:7, the “love” that’s been “given” to us is agape love… the highest and ultimate form of love!

I have to chuckle when I hear Agape love referred to as brotherly love. Listen, I am raising two brothers and you’ve got to know, I’ve got story after story on this one. I’ve seen them peg one another in the head with matchbox cars only to have the injured scold me for scolding the offender. Between all the wedgies and sword-fights-gone-too-far, I see a protective, steadfast, ever-growing love they display for one another.

But agape love is so much more than that.

Agape arrived on this earth and walked around in sandals. You could touch Agape, smell Agape, and listen to Agape. Agape was so unique and refreshing, that droves of people would follow Him around taking in this otherness. And after living perfectly, and always loving just right, Agape laid down His life. “Oh, Agape, how much you truly love us!”

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

And guess what? He has given those that believe in Him this same LOVE… Agape planted within our very hearts. Consider it a wedding gift! What extravagance! It’s one thing for Him to be that incredible and just downright “other,” but WE are given this same spirit of love? Unfortunately, it’s a gift we squander away or are satisfied to “love” when it benefits us. We love with me at the center. That’s not agape love.

You see, real agape love is a love that’s a without-strings-attached-or-hidden-agenda kind of love. It is selfless and it is a choice. It is “the noblest kind of devotion, the love of the will (intentional, a conscious choice) and not motivated by superficial appearance, emotional attraction, or sentimental relationship.”

It is a decisive love.

As a teen, I remember my dad telling me that every day he chose to love my mom. I was floored! I was horrified! It made me angry! To be honest, I felt sorry for my mom. I thought, “You have to CHOOSE to LOVE her? What kind of marriage is that? Well, I don’t want one of those!”

Oh… but I’ve since then eaten those words (with a little salt and ketchup) because that’s the kind of marriage that works, that thrives, that lasts, that grows, that satisfies, and that mirrors Jesus. I’m not saying that marriage doesn’t consist of Eros (a little Marvin Gaye on repeat) and Phileo (“I’m giddy that you love music as much as I do!” Insert wild clapping!). I’m just saying most days we’ve got to both land on this agape, decisive and sacrificial love, or we’ll be left frustrated and selfishly pining for something or someone else to fill our love reservoir.

But this CHOICE is not just for the husband and wife. It is for EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAVE. No one is excluded here. Agape is even for your worst enemy… ouch, that stings a bit! It is not in us to naturally agape love another. We’re selfish by nature. But God says, “I have given you power, (Agape) LOVE, and a sound mind.” If you CHOOSE to live out this agape love, you will be:

Agape-ing when you don’t “feel” like it.
Agape-ing when it costs you everything and promises nothing.
Agape-ing those that annoy you.
Agape-ing those that you are tempted to look down on.
Agape-ing people that have wounded you.
Agape-ing people, that if you were to be honest, you just don’t like.
(Oh, now I need to stop and pray for a bit… convicted!)

So, this Scripture says, “He hasn’t given us the spirit of fear… but of love.”

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18)

Let me tell you how fear comes in and steals you from loving in this God-like manner.

When you struggle with comparing yourself to others, you won’t be able to really love them. You won’t. (Any Bookface-ers or Interestingpinners struggling in this area?) If comparison has got your number, you’ll be too busy feeding thoughts of jealousy and self-doubt to agape others. You will struggle with confidence when you are full of jealousy, envy, and suspicion. You will struggle with freedom in Christ when you continue playing the victim card. And all of this stems from fear! When you are fearful, you live out of self-preservation mode, everything in you fighting for what satisfies you, what makes you “happy” and “whole.” When you are fear-driven, you’ll be defensive and will come against whoever seemingly threatens your happiness… even God. So it’s easier to look at others as competition instead of seeing the Jesus in them. And you can’t love when you view others as competition.

Even within the church walls, we can find ourselves competing with one another, tearing one another down because we are feeling threatened by others’ giftings, roles, or “blessings.” Jealousy robs us from joining together as one body to fulfill the plans of God. Can we stop, for one second, and see the unique qualities of God Himself in the eyes, hands, feet, laughter, and presence of the ones on our right and left? They are not our competition, rather, they are God-made masterpieces that we are called to love… agape style. Ladies, we can be the worst at falling into this trap! Sister in Christ, may I make a plea to you: we are on the same team! Start encouraging, sharpening, and speaking truth into one another, fostering unity! (Ok, stepping off my soapbox now.)

You want power, freedom, and peace?

1. Pray against the spirit of fear that so easily comes to rob you, and love decisively, CHOOSING to use the very gift of love that has been embedded in your heart. You don’t have to be insecure. You don’t have to be jealous. You don’t have to compare. You don’t have to live off the fumes of half-hearted-me-centered-love; you’ve got the gas! Now rev up that engine and agape the way Christ has fueled your sweet, little heart to do so.

2. Don’t let your eyes leave the cross. I’m serious. Pop a squat and don’t get up. Do you get this love that was demonstrated on the cross… for you… for others? May we see every relationship from our past, our present, and our future, through the cross, and then we’ll be asking: How can we not love?

“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

•••

Get ready for {part 3: A SOUND MIND}! I’ll post this conclusion to our series THURSDAY (5/16)! Maybe all this has been just for me. If so, I’m good with that. But I do hope and pray it’s been an encouragement to you as well. Feel free to share this with anyone that may be encouraged by this post! By the way, I’m pumped about the giveaway… EEK! I love surprises!