The 14 questions my husband asked me

{November = a thankful blog series! Whoohoo! I thought I’d start the series off right as I’m celebrating a decade with my man. Each week we will share someone’s story of thankfulness. Get ready for some good reads.}

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by Heather Spring Gilion

May, of this year, I received an email from my husband. He had questions for me. Oh boy, did he have questions. Fourteen, to be exact. He asked me to take some time to consider them and respond as honestly as I could. With his permission I’m sharing his questions.

 

Do you feel confident that God has equipped me to lead our family?

Where would you offer areas of improvement regarding the above?

Do you want me to speak into your life?

Do you feel confident that God has equipped me to do so and that I do so in love?

Do you feel overwhelmed?

Do you feel tired most of the time?

Do you feel under-appreciated?

Do you feel confident that I know how to pray for you each day?

Do you feel confident that you know how to pray for me each day?

Would you feel better loved and cared for if we prayed together more often?

The role of a Godly wife and mother can be expressed in a family in a variety of ways.  Here are two that I respect, but their roles are expressed very differently:  {*Bev} and {*Amanda}. (*I changed their names.) If your role in our family exists on a spectrum somewhere between those two, where do you want it to land?  Where do you feel called for it to land?  Are they the same?

What do you need me to know/do right now so I can love/serve you better?

Do you have any questions for me?

Do you know that I love you more than anything else on this earth?

I love you

 

I’ll come back to these questions in a moment.

TODAY, is our ten year anniversary. We’ve been married a decade! A freaking decade! A mere 3,650 days ago (give or take a few) we stood before family and friends and before our God, and said, “I do.”

“For better. For worse.

In sickness and in health.

In riches or in poverty.

Until death parts us… we do.”

I do. He does. We do. We will.

I write this blog post for a few reasons. If you don’t have a significant other, I’m not trying to throw mine in your face and brag about what I have versus what you don’t. I’m writing this for the widow that is laying alone on her side of the queen-sized bed, wanting desperately for all the wives out there to not take their anniversaries for granted. I’m writing this for the widower that wishes he had one more kiss from his sweetheart. I’m writing this for the divorce’, who wonders what could’ve-would’ve been if different choices were made. I’m writing this for the single lady that watches women who sport a blinged-out ring finger, only to spew negativity, complaining more than applauding their spouse. I’m writing this for the husbands that are desperate to know how to love their wives—to really love them the way God has called them to. I’m writing this for women all over the world that have said, “I do” but don’t.

Because there have been times in the last decade that instead of, “I do” I chose to not. Unfortunately, there have been moments I’ve chosen to shrug and “whatever” my way through an impasse. But by His grace, our love for one another grows and our love for God multiplies.

People say you have to fight for your marriage. It’s true. If you want a thriving, healthy, God-glorifying marriage a good amount of fight must accompany your days. We can get caught up in fighting with one another because, if we’re honest, we are self-agenda-bent divas. (You fellas can be divas too!) But fighting for health in a marriage is not an easy task. Things shift and change. You have new mountains to climb, and valleys to trek. There are job changes. U-hauls to be filled and unfilled. Babies come and loved ones go. Money rolls in just as fast as it rolls out. Health is questioned. The scales go up and up and up (sigh) and then down (yay!) and then up again (sigh). You get that phone call. You don’t get the phone call. You feel numb. Just to feel everything the next month. Or sometimes we sin against one another: Hurtful words are wielded. Time together is wasted. Purity is challenged. Faithfulness is questioned. Hobbies are worshiped. Kids become idols. Time with God is neglected. (Are you tired yet?)

But when I closed my eyes last night, thinking about the last ten years, I thanked my God for the man He has given me. And I whispered in my heart to God, “I do. He does. We do. We will.”

We will. Because God does and is doing and will do. He is fighting for our marriage and offers us into the fight.

There’s this couple in the Bible: Boaz and Ruth. You may have heard of them. When I was single, I remember reading their love story unfold and just aching for that kind of redemptive “fairytale.” A widow, minding her own business, mysteriously finding herself in her “kinsman” redeemer’s field! That sucked me right in! Ruth found favor in Boaz’s sight as she worked to provide for her grieving mother-in-law. As a widow, myself, I remember reading of this Boaz, and waiting for there to be something wrong with him. But he was as great as they come! He was respected among the town, treated others with grace, and at just the right moment… he noticed Ruth among the masses. In a knight-in-armor sort of way, Boaz offered her protection and care. He noticed her inward beauty and spoke only words to encourage her heart. He was careful with her. (If you are curious about how it all went down, you should totally read the book of Ruth from the beginning to end. It’s fantastic.) I remember attending a conference where the speaker encouraged us single gals to find our Boaz and leave the Bozos behind. I wasn’t really looking for a Boaz or a Bozo for that matter. I was pursuing Someone much more important—my Ultimate Companion—Emmanuel: God with us. He was with me and is and will be. But He had a story to reveal, in His timing, he led my “Boaz” to begin pursuing this girl.

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Back to the questions…

The questions arrived in my inbox after we had been experiencing a shift in our home. Dallas was striving to lead in our marriage. Reevaluating where we are and the trajectory of where we were headed. There were many tears shed over those questions, but it led to deeper intimacy.

When I received that email, it made me wonder, if Ruth’s story hadn’t come to a close in chapter 4 what would we read about this couple? Had it kept going and going, would we have read about Boaz’s email to Ruth nearing their ten-year anniversary? Would you have read his questions that communicate his love for his bride, for their children, for their sphere of influence? Would you hear his desire to see them thrive and grow?

I think so.

God is writing His love story upon our hearts. We can fight for it or fight against it. But what if we said to one another: I do because God does. And by the grace of God we will.

So even after ten years: I do. I still do. And by the grace of God we will.

I encourage you to share these questions with your spouse. We ask these hard questions to anchor our marriage on the One that holds all things together. We answer the hard questions, giving one another the benefit of the doubt, pouring over our responses with grace upon grace. Seeking to come into the light because that’s where He is… in the light. HE IS LIGHT! And when we are exposed we can honor the Scripture, “Be naked and unashamed.”

It’s been TEN years. Ten good years.

So we love on. We fight. We grow. We celebrate the Scripture and commandment to be “naked and unashamed.” And with that, all the husbands say a hearty, “Amen!”

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Want to hear more of the story?
Sisters, Holly Snell and Heather Gilion wrote a book about their journey called Dancing On My Ashes.
It’s a beautiful picture of restoration, and recounts God’s faithfulness on every page.
Prepare yourself to weep and rejoice with them.

You can also watch their 3 minute story here.

Or click below to order your copy of Dancing On My Ashes.

 

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4 thoughts on “The 14 questions my husband asked me

  1. First, happy anniversary.

    Second, holy crap Dallas. It’s hard enough trying to con a woman into marrying me and you have to go and do stuff like that to raise the bar for all of us! Sheesh! You got a great one! Give the rest of us a chance, dude!!!

  2. Pingback: {Story 2} The Redeemed “Other” Woman | Dancing On My Ashes

  3. Pingback: {Story3} Suicide Interrupted | Dancing On My Ashes

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